Los Angeles, California, United States
i'm dead already. my body has just not figured it out yet.
i'm excited and energetic. but my brain refuses to cooperate.
i'm optimistic but my pessimism will not relinquish its awesome power.
i'm fabulous and loving but since i'm single and all alone, no one will ever know.
when i write...
my thoughts, feelings and emotions fluctuate rapidly and effortlessly.
they convey my happiness. my sadness. my consternation and gladness.
but my words don't define me. or describe me. or represent me.
they just escape. from within me.
the beginning.
will i?
did you?
when will?
how come?
defeat.
regret
despair.
guilt.
but then again.
once upon a time.
i don’t recall.
be that as it may.
eternal happiness.
silent contemplation.
brightness.
sincerity.
elation.
let it be.
meant to be.
whisper.
soothing.
chaos.
envision.
happiness.
the end.
i thought life could get no worse. i feel like i’m riding in a hearse. it’s too late for a doctor or nurse. no one can alleviate my physical or mental curse. i have no strength to explode. no will power to implode. the best i can do is sigh. and cry. after i hit rock bottom. i sank further below. enjoyment moves fast. but pain and regret is slow. the voices in my head. don’t make sense. they’re cryptic. my thoughts are cannibalistic. they devour happy healthy feelings and leave the sick. what if there is a god. but he is a dick. what if there is a heaven. but critics only rate it a seven. what if there is a hell. but it’s up here. where i currently dwell. i wish i could turn off my brain. before i go insane. wish i could erase my darkness. and experience brightness. i wish i could close my eyes. and erase the world’s lies. i wish i was not afraid. to wake up every day. but mostly. eventually. i just wish for a lover. to discover me. to recover me. to save me. and understand me. and support me. does such a being exist. someone to pry open my eyes. to a brand new world. if you can hear me. and see me. and find me. then please speak to me. and improve my fate. before its too late.
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